Dear Half Brother
by ShadowBluebell
Summary: OneShot: Unbeknownst to everyone, Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha grudgingly followed their father's wishes, namely his wish for them "to bond," and so occasionally wrote to each other…


Unbeknownst to everyone, Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha followed their father's wishes and occasionally wrote to each other…

* * *

Dear Half Brother,

Jaken has informed this Sesshoumaru that you have awakened from your 50-year slumber. I was not aware that in human culture an arrow to the heart equated to holy matrimony.

But I digress.

I am writing this letter not only to acquiesce to our foolish father's wishes, but to formally inform you that I shall have the pleasure of decapitating you this coming full moon and obtain father's fabled fang.

Yours truly, Sesshoumaru

P.S. Unless your already puny brain has been purified, I will assume you will recognize just who this Sesshoumaru is.

* * *

Dear Sesshoumaru,

WHAT THE—what kind of a greeting is that? "Hello half brother, I'm going to lop your head off and get dad's tooth!"

…oh, and arrow to the heart. That's hilarious. At least I got closer to getting laid than you'll ever get. Unless you've grown THAT fond of that toad-servant of yours. Tell Jaken I said hello.

Oh, I'm looking forward to seeing you again. Then you'll see just **who **should be standing on the pedestal.

Yours truly, the almighty Inuyasha

P.S. SCREW YOU

* * *

Dear Half Brother,

It seems that I have underestimated your unwillingness to know your place. Not only have you damaged father's final resting place, you have taken on another human woman, another Miko no less, as your plaything.

I look forward to the day she too tires of your wearisome antics and decide to end it with a bow and arrow.

Yours truly, Sesshoumaru

P.S. Do not take my tactical retreat as a victory—you have only delayed the inevitable.

* * *

Dear Fluffy,

WTF! _You started it!_ You damaged his bones, I was just defending myself! And tactical retreat my ass! You ran away with your tail between your legs! Thanks for making a random demon look like my mom, by the way. EPIC FAIL.

AND KAGOME IS NOT MY PLAYTHING! She's a jewel detector! Nothing more!

Yours truly, the WINNER, Inuyasha

P.S. I hope you weren't left handed. HA!

P.S.S. I totally forgot you had that weird boa-tail thing like dad. Not many people can pull it off, you know.

* * *

Dear Half Brother,

I see that you have decided to take on yet another subordinate. You seem to have a strange fascination with damaged body parts, namely the arm. Perhaps you should consider hiring demons who are capable of defending themselves.

Or does the fox child satisfy your instinct to have an offspring with the human woman?

I do hope I have not injured you _too_ terribly.

Yours truly, Sesshoumaru

P.S. Do not refer to the great pelt as a boa-tail. Or this Sesshoumaru as Fluffy.

P.S.S. The white baboon said hello. Perhaps you should consider making more hygienic acquaintances.

* * *

Dear Sesshy,

What the hell was with the human arm? Did you develop some sort of fetish for spare body parts? Oh, and the gaping hole in my stomach is healing just nicely. Thanks for asking, you bastard.

AND FOR THE LAST TIME, KAGOME IS MY JEWEL DETECTOR! Nothing more!

And what the hell's it with you and making dramatic entrances on the shoulder of a giant ogre? Do you have a warehouse somewhere with an infinite drone of ogres ready for saddling up? Doesn't matter, though. I'll collect all the jewel shards and kick your ass!

Yours truly, the great Inuyasha

P.S. I have plenty of hygienic people around me. Kagome tells me to take a shower every day, that damn wench. Which reminds me, what happened to that fiancée of yours? I thought you were engaged to a skunk demon 72 years ago…

* * *

Dear Maru,

Oi, you still alive, or did you finally succumb to my mad skills?

Yours truly, the all-powerful Inuyasha

P.S. Kagome said some "penicillin" should stop the infection. Apparently, it's a type of fungi.

* * *

Dear Half Brother,

I do apologize for the lack of response as of late. I have been thoroughly busy teaching Rin her Kanji. You should take note and continue to refer to your relatives by their proper name, or else.

Yours truly, Sesshoumaru

P.S. Never speak of the skunk again.

P.S.S. I am quite familiar with the fungi. Jaken has been making use of it ever since he fell into a bed of mating snake demons.

* * *

Dear Sesshou,

And you accused ME of harboring little kids to satisfy fatherly instincts? Effing hypocrite.

Mating snake demons? That's too much info, thanks. Really, thanks for the mental image.

Oh, Kagome said she's taking me back to her world to visit some place called LASS VE-GAS. I won't be back for an entire moon cycle. She says they've got some Red Sake and a huge gambling scene so I won't be writing either. They also got this place called a CHA-PELL but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do there.

Yours truly, Inu…(illegible characters)

* * *

Dear Half Brother,

…happy mating, then.

Yours truly, Sesshoumaru

P.S. Bring back some souvenirs for Rin.

* * *

**AN:** Happy mating indeed. I always wondered why people didn't experiment with letter-writing fics. People should take turns as each character. :P


End file.
